The Binge List: A Comprehensive Guide to the Shows I Watch (And You Should Watch, Too!)
When I was in high school, I was a 43-year-old housewife. My afterschool schedule was planned around “my shows”. Thanks to online streaming, gone are the days of painstakingly waiting an ENTIRE WEEK to find out if Blair Waldorf slept with Chuck Bass’ uncle, but online streaming was but a distant dream of the future when I was a spritely puberty-ridden teenager. Every Monday night, following flag football practice or whatever activity kept me from going home while also bolstering my college applications (IT DIDN’T HELP, HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR), I would return to the basement of my childhood home, Diet Coke in hand to watch the crazy ass world of Manhattan’s elite unfold before my middle-class Alaskan eyes. Tuesdays and Thursdays were for Jersey Shore and The Hills — two MTV classics. And all the other days were dedicated to Criminal Minds (SEXIEST CAST EVER, am I right?!) until I read Mandy Patinkin quit the show because he felt it put animosity into the world and I stopped watching it altogether. And because I was a particular brand of hot garbage, the diet soda cans would pile around me as I sunk further and further into the loveseat. And it was GLORIOUS.
Uh oh, J. Better move your body before you get bedsores.
Okay, take a deep breath. I wasn’t THAT bad. I mixed in daily Jeopardy and 60 Minutes on Sunday because Andy Rooney was hilarious (pour some prune juice out for one’s dead homies).
My viewing preferences were eclectic, but mostly followed the same pattern: I wanted to laugh. I wanted to watch some romantic shit go down. And I wanted to be grossed the hell out.
These days, I primarily stick to the former two. Seldomly I’ll go out of the way to watch something anxiety inducing (because I’m an adult in the year 2019… I have anxiety IN REAL LIFE), but it’s never Criminal Minds-esque because #TeamMandy. Instead, I’ll subject myself to grandiose WHAT THE HELL moments that make me want to crawl under my bed and never go out into the real world.
If you follow me on Instagram (which you should because I’m HILARIOUS and also very sad), you will often see me posting little snippets from the shows I’m watching. More often than not, I get responses asking, “what show is this?” While you guys were hung up on the millionth season of Orange is the New Black (brilliant up until Poussey died and then GOODBYE), I was watching the good good. But since I’m such a generous person, I’m dropping a list of all the INCREDIBLE shows you can binge when you’re feeling like a loaf of human waste or when you’re not, sorted by streaming service because I’m not an animal.
Amazon Prime is a gift. I know big man Jeff is *problematic* or whatever, but this streaming service has some of the BEST shows on the internet.
“Fleabag”: Following the protagonist, known to the viewer as “Fleabag”, this show explores the daily life of a modern woman in England, including the loss of her best friend, what it means to be motherless, and the sexual promiscuity that ensues after your heart is crushed into a million pieces (or not). It is hilarious, heartbreaking, and visceral. And because I formed a REAL-LIFE CRUSH on a PRIEST, I felt SEEN.
“Euphoria”: This show is a TRIP. Based on editing and coloring alone, the entire series feels like a whimsical and sickening ride. The only thing more insane than the makeup is the actual storyline, which follows a group of high schoolers surrounding the life of the protagonist, Rue, a 17-year old drug addict played by the overwhelmingly talented Zendaya. It is also makes me never want to have kids because if that’s what high school is like (and yeah, it kind of is), then NO FUCKING THANKS, BRO. It is a quick binge, as it’s only one season deep but by the end of it, you will definitely need a breather. (Technically on HBO, but can be watched through Amazon Prime.)
“Succession”: ENTER THE ANXIETY RIDDEN SHOW. Move over, Criminal Minds, because this show is frightening, irritating, and wholly panic attack inducing. It is also — at times — hilarious and pertinent. The show follows the familial relations of a patriarch who is in declining health. While he is sick, his adult children fight over who is to take over the media monopoly that has their father’s name on it. It’s like “Wolf of Wall Street” meets “Gossip Girl” meets “Mad Men” meets “The Sopranos” meets YOUR family. And if you think your family has problems, whew! You NEED to watch this show. The baseball scene in the first episode is enough to make you want to puke. Now in its second season, you have enough episodes to binge and then some. (Technically on HBO, but can be watched through Amazon Prime.)
I have to give an honorable mention to Chernobyl. As a mini-series, it goes by pretty quickly, but it can be a lot to stomach. I mean, here is a TRIGGER WARNING. Dogs die. People die. But DOGS DIE. Do you see what I’m saying? Following the meltdown at Chernobyl, this miniseries also delves into the events that followed immediately after. It will make you angry. There is no comedic relief. You will be upset. (And lowkey, you’ll hate Russia a little bit after, too. I hope Putin never reads my writing.)
Netflix is like, the Holy Grail of streaming services. This behemoth has a LOT to offer. Sometimes too much, you know? I’ll try to make this quick. While the mainstream shows have their perks, I tend to avoid Stranger Things and Dead to Me. This isn’t to say these shows aren’t good, but this is MY list and you came along for this ride, so we’re not making pitstops.
“Easy”: I don’t know how to describe this show. It follows several different storylines across three seasons and it IS SO DAMN GOOD. I guess I would say it shows modern dating and sex lives and how these span a wide spectrum. Life is complicated, man. So is sex. So is dating. Watch this show. I say no more.
“The Kominsky Method”: HYSTERICAL. Michael Douglas still has it, who knew? (Everyone). “The Kominsky Method” is about an acting coach (Douglas) and the problems of his daily life as he grows older, his friends die, and he seeks out new love. As someone living in Los Angeles, I found the stories to be relatable and kind of pathetic, but the writing and delivery make our everyday problems funny and seems to find the light in the worst of situations.
“Derry Girls”: Turn on your subtitles because half the time, there’s no way in hell someone with an American ear can understand what’s going on, but this show is next level funny. Set in 1990s Ireland, with a tumult happening all around them, this show follows the lives of a group of teenage girls as they try to navigate high school life.
Honorable mentions:
“Friends from College” — the second season is better than the first. The title basically explains the plot, but these friends are MESSY. I’m talking cheating scandals and babies and weddings, but with comedy mixed in. Like our lives BUT FUNNIER.
“Mad Men” — 1950s advertising. Sexism. Hot as hell John Hamm. The line “I don’t think about you at all.” (which is a BURN if I’ve ever heard one). This show has EVERYTHING (Stefan voice).
“Glow” — The Glamorous Ladies of Wrestling. A group of misfits led by Ruth Wilder (Alison Brie) find acting semi-fame on a network television show depicting female wrestling, directed by Sam Sylvia (Marc Maron), who is basically a wash-up. Set in the 1980s, it is laden with a lot of crap that was cool in the 80s and not so cool now. Also, an ALASKAN is in the show, which makes it THAT much better. Her name is Britney Young and she is a goddess.
Hulu is probably my FAVORITE online streaming service. Arguably, it has the BEST shows. And obviously because my opinion reigns superior over EVERYONE ELSE’S, I’m RIGHT. Also, Hulu has a student discount and because I’m forever a student, discounts are like, my best friend. The shows are top notch, the layout is bomb, and the binge is heavenly — but I do despise the ads. And NO, I won’t pay to skip them.
“Pen15”- This show is soOoOoOo CRINGY and that’s because it’s actually my middle school life. When I say visceral, I mean that I definitely feel every ounce of what the two protagonists, Anna and Maya, go through while in their first year of junior high. I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. BINGE IT NOW.
“Ramy” — First generation Egyptian/American Ramy tries to navigate his Muslim faith in an ever-changing and modern world. This show encapsulates a lot of the confusion of being of faith as a millennial, and the even more confusing place in the world of being Muslim and navigating where to go. 10/10. Incredible.
“Shrill” — Based on the best selling book by Lindy West, “Shrill” is AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING and one of the best shows ever made. I might be biased because the best episode of the entire series was written by my favorite author (Samantha Irby, in case you didn’t know), but this show is the SHIT. Following the life of Annie, a writer who is trying to juggle her career, boy problems, and personal predicaments, “Shrill” explores our American culture, online trolls, and fuck boys. WORTH A BINGE. WORTH A SECOND BINGE. My lord and savior AIDY MOTHALOVIN’ BRYANT plays Annie, so YOU KNOW it’s good.
And while Comedy Central isn’t necessarily a streaming service, sometimes you can finesse a free 24 hour binge off of their website. Do this by clearing your internet history and keep the hustle going, baby! When on Comedy Central’s website, find either “Southside Chi” or “The Other Two”. These shows are PURE GOLD. “Southside Chi” is a comedy about the southside of Chicago, following both a police station and a rent-a-center and the problems they face throughout their days working on the south side. “The Other Two” follows the lives of the forgotten siblings of a Justin Bieber-like child star and it is HILARIOUS. One is a washed-up dancer and the other is a wannabe actor and together, they are going nowhere fast while their little brother is catapulting into fame.
Of course there are other shows that I have dedicated actual hours and probably days of my life watching, but they did not make this short list. These are but a few of the better ones. Binge away, bingers. I’ll be here with my diet soda, working away on a new series in the dark of my bedroom. See you in a few weeks.
